It's been 10 years since I've packed a single bag without hesitation and left home, full of dreams of love and big world, enthusiastic about finally being an adult - at least officially. At that time, I haven't considered feelings of my mother and father much, seeing me going away with such thrill, I didn't think they would miss me anyway, the apartment was so small with all five of us in it and everyone too full of their own worlds to care for mine. I wouldn't need anything, some clothes, books, my earring collection and a clay cup my boyfriend gave me for birthday. I was 18, of course I was the smartest of all and in no need for other opinions. My boyfriend was six years older and I adored every piece of him for the whole time of our relationship.
It's been 6 years since I've packed several bags and left home me and my first big love shared. I came home to my mother and father, but only for a short while, they knew my mind was elsewhere and home wasn't the same. I stayed for six months, as long as I found a place, I moved back to the city. I was in love for the second time and everything else went aside. I can't remember what they thought and how they felt about my decisions, I wasn't paying attention. But they did throw me a big wedding and I'm certain they were happy for me and hoped everything will turn out just fine.
It's been few minutes since I've started to pack. It gets harder, packages get heavier, distance gets greater. Am I forever a puppet of my own destiny, that the place I tried to escape most of all will be where I finally find my peace? Familiar faces I wished to meet under different circumstances, routines I tried to forget, the label I've tried to rip off. Perhaps we really belong to a specific place. All I know is my wounds cannot be healed elsewhere.
"Janka, you cannot imagine what a decade is." my grandfather used to say to me when I was little and he was telling us his life stories. I see now one right in front of my eyes, 10 years of my life on a plate.
5 more days...
...and I'll be home again.
(18 years old me)
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
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UPDATE: Deviant portraiture will be running on monthly basis from now on. Those of you that wish for a portrait by me AND have the 5 critiques rule accomplished, please also COMMENT on this journal, since some favs are 9 months old (: 
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Every Sunday this article will aim to promote volunteer opportunities, various resources, prompts, challenges, and workshops, as well as highlighting various contests, and spotlighting a specific group every week. This is by no means a complete list of all the literature going-ons, merely a tool to help you get involved and stay informed.
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What you share in this journal is sad and yet you write it beautifully... what a talent! I sincerely wish you that things will get better in time. I like it that you have a safe haven to go to, where you will heal at your own pace. I love your work, it's beautiful, expressive and varied. Again, what a talent!
I have traveled all my life. It's a wonderful experience and emotionally costly. It started with my parents when I was a baby, from one country to another, here today and on another continent a couple of years later, on and on... As an adult I continued, alone. I left my parents when I was eighteen. And that was a very long long time ago. Then I began traveling with my own family... Today I don't know where my real home is, all I know is that I want to be and need to be, with the people I love most, my children. One day I'll have to make a decision - again - and start packing...
I wish you all the best and much strength. And thank you for adding me.
"All young people wish to travel. Even if they find kindness and food and a fire, they wish to be gone. I have travelled all over the world, Miss Eyre. And it’s very overrated." (Mr.Rochester, Jane Eyre)
I don't find it sad, actually, it's more of a nostalgic vision of a journey..My home has grown distant on me and it will be strange to return to a place I grew up, being someone else than when I was leaving. The place has changed too, the paradox is that we will have to start over and get to know each other as if we've never met.
I agree with the emotional cost you are mentioning, but home should always be where your heart is, and that's clearly children of yours from what you wrote. Likewise, I wish you all the best ^^