Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

5 days left...

Journal Entry: Mon Nov 26, 2012, 10:58 AM


It's been 10 years since I've packed a single bag without hesitation and left home, full of dreams of love and big world, enthusiastic about finally being an adult - at least officially. At that time, I haven't considered feelings of my mother and father much, seeing me going away with such thrill, I didn't think they would miss me anyway, the apartment was so small with all five of us in it and everyone too full of their own worlds to care for mine. I wouldn't need anything, some clothes, books, my earring collection and a clay cup my boyfriend gave me for birthday. I was 18, of course I was the smartest of all and in no need for other opinions. My boyfriend was six years older and I adored every piece of him for the whole time of our relationship.


It's been 6 years since I've packed several bags and left home me and my first big love shared. I came home to my mother and father, but only for a short while, they knew my mind was elsewhere and home wasn't the same. I stayed for six months, as long as I found a place, I moved back to the city. I was in love for the second time and everything else went aside. I can't remember what they thought and how they felt about my decisions, I wasn't paying attention. But they did throw me a big wedding and I'm certain they were happy for me and hoped everything will turn out just fine.


It's been few minutes since I've started to pack. It gets harder, packages get heavier, distance gets greater. Am I forever a puppet of my own destiny, that the place I tried to escape most of all will be where I finally find my peace? Familiar faces I wished to meet under different circumstances, routines I tried to forget, the label I've tried to rip off. Perhaps we really belong to a specific place. All I know is my wounds cannot be healed elsewhere.

"Janka, you cannot imagine what a decade is." my grandfather used to say to me when I was little and he was telling us his life stories. I see now one right in front of my eyes, 10 years of my life on a plate.


5 more days...


...and I'll be home again.


18 Years Old by jane-beata

(18 years old me)


:frail:



journal skin made by STelari
Add a Comment:
 
:iconthedarkenedbride:
TheDarkenedBride Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
rozumiem... kedysi bolo 10 rokov ako vecnost, dnes sa 1 rok zda ako 10... aj malo, aj vela ale sotvakedy dost
na tej fotke vyzeras ako jesenna rieka :) raz budes ty rozpravat vnucatam pribehy a ten svet im bude vzdialeny ako hviezdy na nebi; a tak to ma byt, lebo dieta mozes naucit snivat, ale zit sa musi naucit samo :heart:
prajem vsetko dobre :hug:
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Jesen mam rada a k prirovnanie k rieke je mile :) Vdaka za koment, pravdu mas :heart:
Reply
:iconthedarkenedbride:
TheDarkenedBride Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:) s potesenim
Reply
:iconlucid-light:
lucid-light Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Držím palce, ať se Ti daří! :hug:
Reply
:iconarumdamour:
arumdamour Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I really don't know where to start...maybe because there's so much to say and some similarities between your life and mine, though both are unique in their own way.

What you share in this journal is sad and yet you write it beautifully... what a talent! I sincerely wish you that things will get better in time. I like it that you have a safe haven to go to, where you will heal at your own pace. I love your work, it's beautiful, expressive and varied. Again, what a talent!

I have traveled all my life. It's a wonderful experience and emotionally costly. It started with my parents when I was a baby, from one country to another, here today and on another continent a couple of years later, on and on... As an adult I continued, alone. I left my parents when I was eighteen. And that was a very long long time ago. Then I began traveling with my own family... Today I don't know where my real home is, all I know is that I want to be and need to be, with the people I love most, my children. One day I'll have to make a decision - again - and start packing...

I wish you all the best and much strength. And thank you for adding me. :heart:
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
My pleasure, your work is really something and it makes me even more appreciate that you've taken the time to stop by and write a very thoughtful comment :heart:

"All young people wish to travel. Even if they find kindness and food and a fire, they wish to be gone. I have travelled all over the world, Miss Eyre. And it’s very overrated." (Mr.Rochester, Jane Eyre)

I don't find it sad, actually, it's more of a nostalgic vision of a journey..My home has grown distant on me and it will be strange to return to a place I grew up, being someone else than when I was leaving. The place has changed too, the paradox is that we will have to start over and get to know each other as if we've never met.

I agree with the emotional cost you are mentioning, but home should always be where your heart is, and that's clearly children of yours from what you wrote. Likewise, I wish you all the best ^^
Reply
:iconmylittlebluesky:
mylittlebluesky Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow. Your story really touched me. :heart:
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you for reading :frail:
Reply
:iconkrazieangel:
KrazieAngel Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I'm getting ready to move out of my family home for the first time in four days. The situations are different but, nonetheless, this still hits me. My heart goes out to you.
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
And mine to you, it's but a journey of life ^^
Reply
:iconlucyhudecova:
LucyHudecova Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
až teraz som sa dostala k týmto slovám.veľkí ľudia rastú cez veľké príbehy.cez príchody a odchody...
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Snad porastieme aj ked nenaprsi :) Vdaka Lucy za precitanie!
Reply
:iconstelari:
STelari Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Bueatifully put in words, indeed, however it's saddening. I hope all the things will go well for you.
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you Sylwia (:
Reply
:iconsraffa:
SRaffa Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional General Artist
This is beautifully written and thoroughly captivating; congratulations on the courage to have lived it, and the eloquence to have articulated it here...
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you for taking the time to read it, Sam, inspiration to write comes straight from your own journals :heart:
Reply
:iconsraffa:
SRaffa Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Professional General Artist
:la::iconfatlaplz::la:
Reply
:iconaura-dawn:
Aura-Dawn Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Is being an adult everything you thought it would be? Is the Apartment you live in any larger then the one you moved out of or is there just more room? Are you still with the man you left home for? Have you ever gone back to visit?
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Being an adult is nothing like I dreamed it would be. Apartments were getting larger and larger with every year I have spent away, but that itself I no longer consider an advantage, large house can feel so empty you wish for a small closet that you'd share with a friend. I am no longer with any man, and I did visit home during years but visit went less and less personal, in time we knew less and less about each other.
Reply
:iconaura-dawn:
Aura-Dawn Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Read your interview and left a comment on it. But wow, just scrolled down to see your picture. Your beautiful, or were at the age of 18. Imagine though that you are more so now. My pea brain didn't put together that we are the same age, or thereabouts.
Reply
:iconpaulidiaz:
PauliDiaz Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Have a nice life with yourself c:
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you ;)
Reply
:icondeaconstrucktor:
DeaconStrucktor Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It is difficult when circumstances don't work out as we plan. :rose:
Best wishes for you in the next stage of your journey. :)
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
It's just life, thank you (:
Reply
:icongotw3:
gotw3 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student General Artist
[link]
A song about home. c:
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
:)
Reply
:iconoli-one:
oli-one Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Life is a series of cycle, short or long, good or bad. We believe advanced but we still turn in circles. It's the "Life"...
Keep your memories, open eyes wide and enjoy all the good things of this new cycle.
"Know, Think, Dream, everything is there" V.Hugo

Good luck,dear Jane...:shamrock:
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Circles indeed, it could be frustrating to realize that. I'll make my peace with it eventually..
Reply
:icontheevanescencebegins:
TheEvanescenceBegins Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That is so heartbreaking it makes me want to cry. I can't believe someone as amazing and talented as you has to go through hard time like this. I really really wish you all the best in the future and hope everything gets better from now on x
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
I'm positive about people going through much worse things than I could ever imagine, this is just a short reflection of mine. Thank you for your encouragement :heart:
Reply
:icontheevanescencebegins:
TheEvanescenceBegins Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart:
Reply
:iconnatalia-luz:
Natalia-Luz Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're one of the loveliest persons I've ever met here. And I sincerely wish you the best in this new stage of your life, and also for your daughter.
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
And you are too Nat, glad to have met you ^^
Reply
:iconvalasedai:
ValaSedai Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
All I can say is that I wish from the bottom of my heart that you will be happy, no matter where you will end up eventually. :heart:
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Dear Jana, it brings me great sadness to read this journal.
I do not know what to say to make you feel better, to make you believe that everything happens for a reason, and that in the end everything will fall into the right place.

For the moment i can only hope you feel that my thoughts are with you and little Viola. As i said before, you two are the most important and you must act accordingly. This is a life experience; don't let it bring you down, i had mines and they made me stronger, i'm sure this will have the same effect on you.

What doesn't kill us, doesn't weaken us, as some may say, but make us stronger. I don't know if this is the moment to share my story with you, but i think it will make you feel a little better. I will send you a note.
Many hugs my dear friend :tighthug:
Reply
:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you for bearing with me, my dear :huggle:
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Always :heart:
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconjane-beata: More from jane-beata


Featured in Collections

Journals by DrippingWords




Details

Submitted on
November 26, 2012
Submitted with
Sta.sh Writer
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
6,612 (2 today)
Favourites
10 (who?)
Comments
38
×