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November 26, 2012
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5 days left...

Journal Entry: Mon Nov 26, 2012, 10:58 AM


It's been 10 years since I've packed a single bag without hesitation and left home, full of dreams of love and big world, enthusiastic about finally being an adult - at least officially. At that time, I haven't considered feelings of my mother and father much, seeing me going away with such thrill, I didn't think they would miss me anyway, the apartment was so small with all five of us in it and everyone too full of their own worlds to care for mine. I wouldn't need anything, some clothes, books, my earring collection and a clay cup my boyfriend gave me for birthday. I was 18, of course I was the smartest of all and in no need for other opinions. My boyfriend was six years older and I adored every piece of him for the whole time of our relationship.


It's been 6 years since I've packed several bags and left home me and my first big love shared. I came home to my mother and father, but only for a short while, they knew my mind was elsewhere and home wasn't the same. I stayed for six months, as long as I found a place, I moved back to the city. I was in love for the second time and everything else went aside. I can't remember what they thought and how they felt about my decisions, I wasn't paying attention. But they did throw me a big wedding and I'm certain they were happy for me and hoped everything will turn out just fine.


It's been few minutes since I've started to pack. It gets harder, packages get heavier, distance gets greater. Am I forever a puppet of my own destiny, that the place I tried to escape most of all will be where I finally find my peace? Familiar faces I wished to meet under different circumstances, routines I tried to forget, the label I've tried to rip off. Perhaps we really belong to a specific place. All I know is my wounds cannot be healed elsewhere.

"Janka, you cannot imagine what a decade is." my grandfather used to say to me when I was little and he was telling us his life stories. I see now one right in front of my eyes, 10 years of my life on a plate.


5 more days...


...and I'll be home again.


18 Years Old by jane-beata

(18 years old me)


:frail:



journal skin made by STelari
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:iconthedarkenedbride:
TheDarkenedBride Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
rozumiem... kedysi bolo 10 rokov ako vecnost, dnes sa 1 rok zda ako 10... aj malo, aj vela ale sotvakedy dost
na tej fotke vyzeras ako jesenna rieka :) raz budes ty rozpravat vnucatam pribehy a ten svet im bude vzdialeny ako hviezdy na nebi; a tak to ma byt, lebo dieta mozes naucit snivat, ale zit sa musi naucit samo :heart:
prajem vsetko dobre :hug:
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:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Jesen mam rada a k prirovnanie k rieke je mile :) Vdaka za koment, pravdu mas :heart:
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:iconthedarkenedbride:
TheDarkenedBride Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:) s potesenim
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:iconlucid-light:
lucid-light Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Držím palce, ať se Ti daří! :hug:
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:iconarumdamour:
arumdamour Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I really don't know where to start...maybe because there's so much to say and some similarities between your life and mine, though both are unique in their own way.

What you share in this journal is sad and yet you write it beautifully... what a talent! I sincerely wish you that things will get better in time. I like it that you have a safe haven to go to, where you will heal at your own pace. I love your work, it's beautiful, expressive and varied. Again, what a talent!

I have traveled all my life. It's a wonderful experience and emotionally costly. It started with my parents when I was a baby, from one country to another, here today and on another continent a couple of years later, on and on... As an adult I continued, alone. I left my parents when I was eighteen. And that was a very long long time ago. Then I began traveling with my own family... Today I don't know where my real home is, all I know is that I want to be and need to be, with the people I love most, my children. One day I'll have to make a decision - again - and start packing...

I wish you all the best and much strength. And thank you for adding me. :heart:
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:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
My pleasure, your work is really something and it makes me even more appreciate that you've taken the time to stop by and write a very thoughtful comment :heart:

"All young people wish to travel. Even if they find kindness and food and a fire, they wish to be gone. I have travelled all over the world, Miss Eyre. And it’s very overrated." (Mr.Rochester, Jane Eyre)

I don't find it sad, actually, it's more of a nostalgic vision of a journey..My home has grown distant on me and it will be strange to return to a place I grew up, being someone else than when I was leaving. The place has changed too, the paradox is that we will have to start over and get to know each other as if we've never met.

I agree with the emotional cost you are mentioning, but home should always be where your heart is, and that's clearly children of yours from what you wrote. Likewise, I wish you all the best ^^
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:iconmylittlebluesky:
mylittlebluesky Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow. Your story really touched me. :heart:
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:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you for reading :frail:
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:iconkrazieangel:
KrazieAngel Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I'm getting ready to move out of my family home for the first time in four days. The situations are different but, nonetheless, this still hits me. My heart goes out to you.
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:iconjane-beata:
jane-beata Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
And mine to you, it's but a journey of life ^^
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